Oscar™ Fever Infects Millions, CDC Declares

HOLLYWOOD - The Centers for Disease Control today announced "Oscar™ Fever" has officially reached "pandemic proportions."

Millions of Americans are infected with the fever, according to CDC Director Dr. Alan Allenton.  The disease is believed to be a viral variant of "Oscar™ Buzz," although with a much more potent pathology.  "With Oscar™ Buzz," said Dr. Allenton, "we would expect minor symptoms like euphoria, giddiness, even a latent feeling of hope and goodwill toward your fellow man.  Although highly unusual these days, Oscar™ Buzz doesn't present much of a threat to the nation's health care system.  Oscar™ Fever, however, is much more toxic and a thousand times more dangerous."

The fever has ravaged the Hollywood community, laying waste to large swaths of Bevery Hills and greater Los Angeles.  Director James Cameron has been bed-ridden for weeks with the disease, as has Kathryn Bigelow who's movie "The Hurt Locker" alone has reportedly infected 50% of the greater Los Angeles area and much of the movie-going population.

"This one does not follow normal disease vectors," said Dr. Allenton.  "It appears to spread through movie theaters and internet sites, making it perhaps the first cyber-infection in history that has real-world symptomology.  Those geeks in China sure are getting clever."