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Written by Scott Meadow
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Friday, 20 July 2007 (read 1628 times) |
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 There's no shortage of topics to write about after a few month hiatus from this juggernaut of whimsy. There's been a tragic shooting at Virginia Tech., a Commander-in-Chief less popular than the weakest Fox reality series, and a set of foreign occupations that leave us longing for a more Vietnam-like imbroglio. Any one of these would be worthy of comedic polish, and indeed were until I recently ordered a new fan for my office. Now normally you may not think this would rank up there with military occupations and psycho-shooters, but it does. In fact, this single stupid event revealed a way to save billions of dollars, possibly end our dependence on foreign oil and stall global warming.
Overblown? Overly dramatic? Let me explain.
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Written by Scott Meadow
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Wednesday, 28 February 2007 (read 2356 times) |
Given the current state of global political turmoil, you may think that what the world really needs is a hero to save us from our plight. Well, as one plucky would-be hero named James Van Iveren can attest – behind bars – it turns out that the world is doing peachy on its own. In fact, it’s watching porn in what would normally be a sanctuary, it’s own home. That is until Van Iveren bursts in with a sword to “rescue” a screaming woman – from the porn video – that he believed was being raped in the apartment above his and his mother’s. Feel free to zoom off to put in Pulp Fiction and listen to Chad Kroeger’s Hero (from the Spiderman theme) any time here. It’s okay, I’ll wait.
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Written by Scott Meadow
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Tuesday, 06 February 2007 (read 1567 times) |
In all honesty I just wanted to figure out how many pounds my new poker chips were going to weigh. I had just found a deal on 500 new casino poker chips, they were each 11.5g, and FedEx was charging me the cost of a small baby-boy to ship them to me. My scotch soaked cranium just couldn’t pull the conversion calculator out of long term neural storage. Very likely it got lonely years ago and committed suicide, possibly in a pact with the names of ancient Egyptian pharaohs and dead presidents. Pretty sure they all had “tep” or “imho” or “Roosevelt” in there somewhere.
Since I couldn’t remember how to convert kilograms to pounds, I did what every other white, middle-class guy does with more bandwidth than ambition: I Googled it. I surfed over to Google and typed in: “kg to lbs.” To my relief, the fine folks at Google – in an act of prescience that I’ve come to love and count on – popped the answer right at the top, so even a blockhead like me couldn’t help but find it through a haze of quality Scottish alcohol. |
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Written by Scott Meadow
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Monday, 22 January 2007 (read 1173 times) |
 “My database does not encompass the dynamics of human pair bonding.” - The Governator from T3. I was perusing the Egyptian Book of the Dead the other day when I suddenly began to wonder why we humans became so darn picky about our sexual partners. Think about it. As if you could stop. As far as I know, we’re the only species that seems to care very much with whom we mate. Of course I’m talking about females here, because we guys pretty much still don’t care, but let’s not muddy the issue. The real question is why do any of us care? I mean it’s not like it matters very much. |
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Written by Scott Meadow
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Monday, 01 January 2007 (read 1547 times) |
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Well, I've thought of a number of bits to introduce this, but I'll stay short and to the point: danke, readers, for keeping IRREVERENT from the vast uncelebrated flotsam of Google-based entertainment! We are all subsTANTIALLY drunk, but wish you and yours an absolutely marvehlous 2007! I'm now gonna retire to TCM's Marx Bros marathon, but wanted to make my peace with our fab readers worldwide. DANKE!!
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