One of the things about travel is that it does broaden your mind; you come to understand how quickly every part of the world is becoming exactly like every other part of the world.  The force driving the rapid homogenization is of course the rise of globalism and the multi-national corporation.  Now in the past, I've resisted the siren song allure of individualism, preferring instead the idea that one should be a part of the world and stay engaged with events that lie outside one's personal interest.  A recent trip to Ireland has shaken my faith in that simple creed and I find that maybe an interconnected globe isn't such a good idea after all.  In fact, it seems to me that the rush to globalize may be the result of more greed, corruption, and underhanded dealing than Jacques Chirac's efforts to take a oui on the European constitution. 

At RA Enterprises, I very deliberately hire people who can spot a golden opportunity, the brass ring, the main chance.  As a result, it came as no suprise to me that my accountant Jedediah "Pa Clampett" Warstein took off for Florida to assist Michael Schiavo with some newly acquired financial issues.  Jed being highly trained and from a clan of Appalachian Jews should be able to fit right in in Florida.  I wasn't even upset that several thousand of my dollars followed him.

I thought that I should begin this column with an apology.  After all not only did I not have a column in last month's issue of this Thing That We Do^TM but I also didn't have an amusing little adventure story like my trip to Ukraine to justify my absence.  Then I discovered, thanks to some improperly set firewall switches that allowed me to actually view this benighted slice of the web that makes Teen People look like a Pulitzer Prize winner, that El Scott couldn't pull himself away from the Jergens long enough to publish for February.  I guess all that hot Valentine's Day erotica we were planning on publishing just kept getting him too excited.  Hopefully he'll wipe off his lotion, ink, and otherwise stained fingers and find a spot for this month's column in which I tell a tale of corruption, fear, and utter disregard for humanity so great that it makes BTK look like a well adjusted Boy Scout leader.

During the recent 2004 gifting season, I had time to reflect, as I waited in line with hordes of other shoppers attempting to purchase a loved one's affections, what a wonderful group of people retail employees are.  Everyday, in shopping malls everywhere, they put their sanity on the line in order to separate us from our hard earned cash.  In those rare instances in which we need to get our money back, they cheerfully deny our requests all the while smiling as they recite some bullshit arbitrary reason why they won't accept the return even though that silk shirt really shouldn't have stained when we mopped up the red wine with it.  As I watched these angels in action during some heavy duty shopping experiences, I was struck by how fragile and human these folks actually are.  Fortunately a recent headline from the Denver Post has set me straight.