Last month I was contacted by a shadowy figure wanting to discuss my investigation into political fundraising (IRREVERENT, May 2004).  He said he was a "highly placed" government source who had "vital information" he wished to provide me.  This was hardly the first time something like this had happened.   Hardly a month goes by without some "well placed" source contacting me with "vital" information about something.  In general, they're harmless cranks desperate for someone to validate their fucked up psychopathology, but sometimes I will have to break out a restraining order.  In this case, however - call it the intuition developed after spending a decade dealing with comedy writers - I decided he was harmless and agreed to meet him a week later in an underground parking garage in St. Paul, Minnesota.  When we met, he said I should refer to him as "Linda Lovelace" for some strange reason.

As I work in downtown Milwaukee, it was not unusual to find traffic blocked off and a bunch of cops hanging around. This happens every time some V.I.P. rolls into town to give a speech and inspire people to voluntarily lighten their wallets.  Last Friday, however, it turned out this week's V.I.P. was none other than Dick Cheney, the current V.P., holding a $1,000 a plate fundraiser at the luxurious Pfister Hotel.

Roughly ever since I thought about it, the idea of Internet Dating Services has piqued my interest.  Like most Americans, my view of computers is largely represented by Robbie The Robot insanely programmed to protect Will Robinson in "Lost In Space."  It therefore astounded me to learn that so many online dating services had cropped up like weeds in a field, especially since I never saw Robbie watching humans have sex.  How much could he know?