Stephen Colbert's skewering of President Bush during April's White House Correspondent's dinner has become legendary on the net.  Yet, IRREVERENT has been notably silent on the matter, which is odd given the amount of virtual flatuence we excrete in the general direction of the Bush Administration on any given day.  This is due to a mixture of hangovers, orgiastic drinking binges, and trying to figure out a truthier angle on the story, none of which, I'm glad to report, have been resolved.  But we should excrete something so here goes.

On this immigration deal.

We should just be done with it and declare Mexico a part of the United States. No more jigsaw puzzle borders. Outdated concept. 

The new continental-sized nation could be renamed, "Amerigo."

Companies merge all the time when it's in their best interest. If we merge, we could get their oil, not to mention the bulbous plant that produces tequila.

I invented the skateboard.

I apologize for the pain this has caused. How many shopping centers have had to post, "no skateboarding" signs? How many little old ladies exiting the grocery store had to jump out of the way, dropping a carton of eggs, as a polymer-wheeled Mongol whizzed past?

Skateboarding can be a crime.

Back in 1960, beach party movies with Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello were popular. Most kids didn't have ocean nearby, and couldn't surf. But they still needed to emulate false heroes.