 There is a theory that if an infinite number of monkeys typed at an infinite number of typewriters, they'd produce the collected works of Shakespeare. Well, here we go.
|
|
Contributed by John Sammon
|
|
Monday, 08 May 2006 (read 1124 times) |
|
On this immigration deal.
We should just be done with it and declare Mexico a part of the United States. No more jigsaw puzzle borders. Outdated concept.
The new continental-sized nation could be renamed, "Amerigo."
Companies merge all the time when it's in their best interest. If we merge, we could get their oil, not to mention the bulbous plant that produces tequila. |
|
Read more...
|
|
|
Contributed by John Sammon
|
|
Saturday, 22 April 2006 (read 1432 times) |
|
I invented the skateboard.
I apologize for the pain this has caused. How many shopping centers have had to post, "no skateboarding" signs? How many little old ladies exiting the grocery store had to jump out of the way, dropping a carton of eggs, as a polymer-wheeled Mongol whizzed past?
Skateboarding can be a crime. Back in 1960, beach party movies with Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello were popular. Most kids didn't have ocean nearby, and couldn't surf. But they still needed to emulate false heroes. One momentous day, I and a neighbor kid from across the street, took apart a girl's metal skate, one of those old skates that clamped onto your shoe by use of a skate key. We nailed the two separated halves to the bottom of a board. Cool man! Surfing on concrete.
The entire activity was confined to a tiny patch of white cement in my parents' front yard. Those brittle metal wheels couldn't handle street asphalt. |
|
Read more...
|
|
|
Contributed by John Sammon
|
|
Wednesday, 05 April 2006 (read 1753 times) |
 We're all familiar with gender swap, people who have their sex changed
by an operation because they are dissatisfied with the sex they were
born with. Drag queens have long been a fixture of nightclubs, and
today there are even parades of such people down the main streets of
our cities.
With scientific research forging ahead on stem cell, cloning and other
forms of alteration, it seems only a matter of a few years before it
will be scientifically possible to produce a true human hermaphrodite,
a person having both sexes combined.
What are the pro and cons? |
|
Read more...
|
|
|
Contributed by John Sammon
|
|
Thursday, 16 March 2006 (read 1336 times) |
We need new insults.
New obscenities.
New English language slang for ignorant morons and cretins.
This is a country where we have everything new. New cars, new wars, new
clothes, new heart transplants, new doomsdays weapons, new drugs, new
toilet paper, new bars of soap, new wives, new laws.
But.... no new insults.
Take for instance, the timeless invective....."mother....fuc..'r."
How long have we had that one? It's tired. The same old insult. It's
about a hundred and fifty years old. I mean, c'mon! Enough is enough!
|
|
Read more...
|
|
|
Written by Scott Meadow
|
|
Monday, 13 March 2006 (read 1279 times) |
We really need to go back to ignoring celebrities on everything outside
their particular cause celebre. When Bruce Willis' silly soliloquies
rate a diplomatic incident, we need to unleash the firehose of reason
and soak everyone with the icy water of common sense. Hey, Columbia!
Willis is not our ambassador, holds no diplomatic or other government
position, and is about as well informed as any other millionaire actor
working 20 hours a day on a Hollywood sound stage pretending to jump
off high buildings while squibs explode all around him. His comments
are his own, so why on earth do you even care?
|
|
Read more...
|
|
|
|
<< Start < Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Next > End >>
|
| Results 28 - 36 of 71 |
Monkey Pile
