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March, 2004
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Shocked, Shocked We Said |
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Written by Scott Meadow
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Tuesday, 14 December 2004 (read 1631 times) |
 Recently, some United States Republicans -- by which I mean the Bush
administration -- have been sharply criticizing United Nations
Secretary-General Kofi Annan for
improperly overseeing the so-called oil-for-food program in Iraq during
the 1990s, having torn themselves away from improperly overseeing the
so-called bombs-for-freedom program in
Iraq today. During this time, Kofi's son
Kojo scored a $30,000 a year gig working for one of the
subcontractors overseeing the program. Kojo didn't lie about working
there, but did weasel around how long he was at the company,
Swiss-based Cotecna. Apart from sounding
like a personal injury law firm, Kofi,
Kojo, and Cotecna's involvement in this matter has some Republicans
like Congressman Scott Garrett, Senator Norm Coleman, and 20 others in
the House -- by which I mean the White House -- questioning whether
Kofi should be hauled off to gitmo for a
bit o'state-sanctioned torture or just suffer an "inspired act of god."
As near as I can figure, they're primarily upset because $30k a year is
nowhere near enough to get burned
over. You should at least make
$30,000,000 from your government
subcontractor, say a major oil company
like Halliburton, for example, and then go
off and write the nation's energy policy in a smokey room in your
basement. Now THAT's worth getting a
little toasty. Apparently, Kojo wasn't greedy enough.
I think I agree. And I desperately hope Kofi doesn't have another
kid named Mojo.
 Damn, life is good!
This seems like a pretty thin volley from the normal conservative
scandal machine. Generally they've got a spotty dress or shaky
land deal or some kids falling underneath a train to
peddle. I guess Garrett, Coleman and the boys -- by which I mean
George and Dicky -- are waiting for a Scaife Cash
InjectionTM before really hitting Kofi in the
garbanzos. I mean, the guy's such a despotic ogre isn't he?
Who does this bastard think he is, anyway? We can't sit by and
let this guy's son make a subsistence level
wage off a multi-billion dollar
program can we? Hell no!
 Here Kofi pretends to like Elmo. But you just know he's faking.
Certain attack kittens also point out that U.N. forces in the Congo
stand accused of "major human rights violations against
refugees." And we know a good human rights violation when we see
one too, because we got tons of experience from Abu
Ghraib. I'll show you
being able to spot major human rights violations. Don't tell us,
world, we're totally down with major human rights violations. So
we can criticize the hell out of the U.N.'s. For example, they
didn't take nearly enough digital pictures.
Really, though, the final straw here is that certain people are accused
of taking kickbacks from their contractors as a result of the
oil-for-food program. This is truly unconscionable. We know
what we're talking about here, too, just ask
Halliburton. They've given us at least $6 million of experience
in the kickback area. Don't tell us about
kickbacks. We'll show you kickbacks.
 Well, it seems pretty clear to me too that
Kofi's gotta go. Anyone who's son lands a cushy low-5-figure job
indirectly related to his dad's organization just
oozes malfeasance. Oh yeah, before I forget: if
you happen to see Michael Powell in the
next couple days, have him give me a call willya, 'cause he owes me $20.
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Monkey Pile 
