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Things to Make You Really Depressed |
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Written by Scott Meadow
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Monday, 10 October 2005 (read 1864 times) |
You may not think that coming up with things to do to make you more depressed than you already are would be very useful. Ahh, but that's where you're wrong, slappy. We're all about living life to the fullest and busting those boundaries, here at IRREVERENT.
So say, for example, you wake up in your shitty apartment and smoke your last Marlboro. "Damn!" you say. "The booming economy has dumped me in this rathole with no job, no smokes, $4/gallon gas, but at least I can still afford broadband. How can I kill 8 hours today?" Why not take a virtual tour of a $25,000,000 Beverly Hills mansion for starters? Trust me, after about five minutes you'll be looking for the shotgun shells. Now bear in mind that someone lives there and someone else is going to buy this place cash-only. Someone with James Bond badguy-type moola. Not some loser like you or me.
Still need a push? You could win the Publisher's clearinghouse AND a major state lottery and still not afford this puppy's landscaping. Just in case you thought this had anything at all to do with luck.
Things To Do Afterward: Have a drink with a faraway stare in your eyes, unable to focus on anything close by. Drastically reconsider every decision you've ever made in your life and wonder why you are so totally fucked. Seriously contemplate becoming a corporate lawyer for Exxon, Microsoft, or Enron for christsakes. Start studying how the hell Ken Lay did it.
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