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Written by IRNewz
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Sunday, 30 October 2005 (read 1908 times) |
 Enron oops Exxon CEO Lee 'Fatty' Raymond
"We are amazed, moreover completely shocked at the staggering
windfall," said the ginormous CEO and Chairman of Exxon-Mobil Lee
"Fatty" Raymond. "We're looking into it, but it appears that high
gas prices may have something to do with it. And if anything I'm
reading in the papers is true, then next quarter should be pretty good
too I'm guessing, but don't quote me, ho ho ho," he added, before
diving into a overflowing mountain of Maine lobster, Beluga
caviar, and steak tare-tare, all mixed up together in a huge bucket.
"True, this man is a gargantuan piggy," said oil industry
analyst Herb
Shenker, "but this doesn't mean his company is guilty of shameless
profiteering
off three hurricanes or taking advantage of people after a huge
national disaster." Shenker nervously twiddled his fingers.
"I mean, companies don't just step up and take advantage of people in
their time of need, do they? They're in business to make a profit
by .. you know, most efficiently using our national resources to
everyone's advantage. The whole 'invisible hand thing,' you
know." At this point Shenker fell over in a panic attack and is
currently on strict bed rest by doctor's order.
With it's recent performance, Exxon-Mobil has become the first public
company in history to have a $100 billion quarter. The company's
net profit for the quarter was $9.92 billion, up 75% from a year ago at
$5.68 billion. Wall Street was so pleased, it continues to suffer
from premature ejaculation.
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Monkey Pile 
