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Written by Scott Meadow
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Monday, 07 November 2005 (read 1827 times) |
It wouldn't be This Time Of YearTM without
IRREVERENT doing something seasonally spooky, more spooky than our
usual commentary that is. This year is no exception, so let's talk
about ghosts. First off, in the spirit (ha ha) of full disclosure, let
me admit that I don't believe in ghosts. I also don't believe in the
boogeyman, paranormal spirits, angels, or that they actually managed to
get studio financing for over a dozen Friday the
13th movies and Freddy Versus Jason. I
prefer to believe they just sold drugs. And obviously consumed them
during production.
 Google "ghost" and you'll get stuck with 22 million results and
counting. Ask the American people and 37% will tell you -- after tearing themselves away from The Weekly World News -- that they
believe in haunted houses and 32% will say ghosts
exist1, which is a pretty interesting way to
look at hauntings. I guess houses can be haunted by other stuff besides ghosts;
certainly my un-trainable beagle would qualify. But can 32%
of the public -- that's 96 million people, several of whom are more or
less educated -- really believe in ghosts?
Oh you betcha, spanky. Fully 70% don't understand basic
scientific processes2 while 68% want creationism
taught alongside evolution in schools. That's the type of
ignorant superstition that makes us the American public, okey dokey!
But it's easy for me to sit here in the IRREVERENT bunker and snicker at
blockheads. In fact if it wasn't, I would've shut down this site
years ago. But that won't do much to address ghosts, which as far as I can
tell is our actual topic.
Why believe in ghosts in the first place? I mean they're scary,
they frighten children and small rodents, even house pets, and they
remind us of our own inevitable mortality. None of this is
particularly entertaining, except maybe scaring small mammals
but
that's probably just me and a thin minority of you. So what
powers the belief in such
nuttiness? Well, for one thing, it's kinda fun and certainly more
interesting than most stuff in a typical boring-ass life. It's
like
there's a sneaky little secret piece of eternal wisdom in the world,
and only you and your buddies are privileged with understanding.
 Also, it is kinda comforting.
No, not the one from Poltergeist, but most ghosts
-- like Gramma Ethel and Grandpa Joe -- aren't throwing stuff at you or
turning into big scary things to tan your undies. They're here in
case you wondered if they were okay in the afterlife or if you wanted a
second chance to ignore them at the old folks home after you steal
their retirement nestegg, take their house, and then act shocked when
they both "slip on some soap." On second thought, maybe you
better wear a flak vest. Still most ghosts aren't here to seek
revenge for opportunisitic murder, they're here to comfort the living
and that's not such a bad thing. At least until hucksters and con
men start banking your benjamins to give it to you, that is.
Non-addictive believing in ghosts, I guess, is one of those basically
harmless self delusions. So long as you're not hurting anyone
else, is it really so bad to believe that Aunt Jeane and Uncle Bob
knock stuff over at random every now and then in your rodent infested
attic? On the grand scheme of things, no not really. A sign
of a rapidly decaying investment in critical thinking skills,
definately, but the worst thing in the world, no.
So when things go bump or cry in the night, it's okay to think that
it's the spirit of Napolean come to revenge itself upon your poorly
maintained efficiency. But in the frenzy of your supernatural belief, please also try to remember to regularly feed your
cat.
1 From a June 2005 Gallup Poll News Service report.
2 National Science Foundation's (2002) report "Science & Engineering Indicators"
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