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Globefrying and Globetrotting |
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Written by Scott Meadow
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Tuesday, 10 January 2006 (read 1998 times) |
I'm sure you've all read the headlines regarding the current political
administration's thoughts on torturing prisoners. Sane people, on the
other hand, find torture a completely unacceptable way for American
peacekeepers to act, no matter what. Arguments fly like so many girlie
men tossing medicine balls: "We have to torture, otherwise bad guys
will nuke Manhattan!", "No, torture doesn't work because they'll just tell
you what you want to hear!" Personally, like you, I find these arguments
loony. We don't need to torture people to prevent a
terrorist attack, and electrocuting a guy's globes, contrary to a lot
of arguments against it, is bad bad bad, but it
is gonna work. Yup, Johnny Al-Johnson
would roll over on his great gramma's 68 year old parking
ticket given enough voltage to Little Johnny. The
argument against this crap can't be it's ineffectiveness: it's gotta be
that it's just wrong wrong, big-Dubya Wrong.
 I must've been asleep or watching Project Runway
when this issue even got on the table. I mean, when did American
troops torturing people go up for grabs? Man, we had a year's
worth of debate over Clinton parsing the word "is" to wiggle out of a
blowjob charge, but nobody's concerned over the most wily
interpretation of the Geneva Conventions since the Nuremberg
trials? Is Mel Blanc doing the voices here because this is LOONEY TUNES. Quick,
someone call Newt Gingrich because that vast sucking sound is really
the moral revolution melting after someone splashed it with water.
I never thought I'd write this, certainly not anytime this soon, but
I'm actually longing for the time in America when we actually,
seriously contemplated -- from coast to coast for nearly two solid
years -- whether a woman performing oral sex on a man was really
"sex." We got to read explicit transcripts in the papers, oral
sex was on every channel nearly all day long, and nobody, not even
once, ever suggested that oral sex was torture, not even
Pat Robertson, who had to Google what it
meant. Nobody brought up Monica
Lewinsky and the Geneva Conventions in the same speech,
nobody attached car batteries to private parts
unless they were clearly asked to, and the world may have hated the
spread of McDonald's into their cultures but nobody was smashing them
with truck bombs or mining them with improvised roadside devices.
Yep, if I've got to contemplate private bits, I'll take a good oral sex
debate over torture any day of the week, multiple times a day to be
sure. Quick someone get Harriet
Miers on the phone, I think I may have a job for her....
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