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Contributed by John Sammon
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Tuesday, 14 February 2006 (read 1352 times) |
Republicans are men. Democrats are women.
X and Y.
That's why Republicans win elections. That's why despite their past record, Republicans will continue to win.
Remember the last election in which Bush won the "red" colored Midwest
states, about eighty five percent of the country on the map..and what's
his name (Kerry) won the two or three blue states, like California and
New York? Also Oregon (a bunch of tree huggers).
Ever since, commentators have referred to Republicans versus Democrats as red versus blue.
 The Midwest is filled with God-fearin,' independence lovin,'
ass-kickin' red necks, a place where men are men, and women are supposedly
glad of it. Even Republican women are happy with the status quo.
The middle is also predominantly white.
Count the number of blacks in Buehl, Idaho. You can do it on one finger.
California and New York, on the other hand, are filled with foreigners,
and doper junkies and artist types and pan handlers...gays..and women.
The Republican Party is just like the male Y chromosome, chest beating
but dysfunctional, (in fact the male Y is breaking down and men will be
extinct in 25,000 years).
It doesn't matter if Republicans are stupid. It doesn't matter that
they're mean (they tried to counter their racist, sexist image by that
phony "compassionate conservative" label). It doesn't matter that
Republicans always question everybody else's patriotism, but few of
them ever served in the military.
The party of Lincoln, if the truth be known, also feel threatened by, and don't like, blacks.
Republicans are tough. That's what matters. Republicans are men. That's what America wants. The middle of America. The backbone.
Democrats are whiny women. Democrats are minorities, always sniveling about how they've been mistreated.
Republicans are religious, Christians. Democrats aren't.
Democrats talk about socialistic social progress and family issues, and
namby-pamby boring crap, like a woman's right to choose (boring if
you're a man).
It's who you can knock through a window that's important. Like Arnold, or Stallone.
Who's tough. It's a dangerous world. We got to get 'em before they get us.
Republicans talk about kicking butt, about traitors and terrorists.
Democrats talk about...are your ready? Inequities. Inequities. What a wimpy word. Well laaa-de-daaa!
Republicans mis-lead. Democrats follow.
Democrats are girlie men. If you don't beat the shit outta somebody, you're a wuss.
A Republican is John Wayne, even if he's dead. He knocks people in old movies through saloon doors.
Pat Robertson was a Golden Gloves boxer.
A Democrat is Barbara Streisand. When she isn't singing, she's talking
in that nasal New York accent that will send you right up the wall
(irritate the hell out of you).
A Democrat is fat-jowled Ted Kennedy. He never beat up on anybody, and drove a girl off a bridge.
A Democrat does it to a woman (Clinton and Monica).
A Republican does it to the country (Nixon).
A Republican knows the cost of everything, and the value of nothing (except for doomsday weapons).
A Democrat values everything, even roads and schools. Too much.
A Republican thinks global warming is chicken shit.
A Democrat doesn't want any poor people around in the country.
A Republican needs poor people to work on his ranch.
It's a man's world.
©2006, SammonSays.com. Reprinted with permission.
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