"On the threshold of this, our latest advertising blitz to hit the Muslim world," said the Shia cleric to press and investors through an interpreter, "we are bitterly reminded of Israel's longstanding hatred of Arab business ventures.  We hope that the world can see that we cannot let this sort of capitalist war destroy our profits!"

One investor, who in every other respect besides having a large beard, sunglasses and furry cap looked exactly like Mel Gibson, asked the cleric if he still intended on "expanding throughout Iraq and into Saudi Arabia."  Al-Sadr responded "absolutely yes" to wild applause and AK-47 fire.  Eventually the ceremonial ribbon to the store was blown up using an improvised exploding device.  Only 14 people were reported injured.

At the opening of Israel's 500th "Kingdom of Felafel" outside Tel Aviv, Prime Minister Ehud Olmert was quick to retort.  "We are aware that some of our competitors view our strategic bombing attacks on terrorist targets to be calculated to eliminate our retail food rivals.  Well, nothing could be further from the truth."

For some reason, the Tel Aviv Stock Exchange (TASE) shot to record highs following the Prime Minister's remarks, laying waste to rumors that the only important stock exchange in the retail food industry was in New York.