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As I work in downtown Milwaukee, it was not unusual to find traffic blocked off and a bunch of cops hanging around. This happens every time some V.I.P. rolls into town to give a speech and inspire people to voluntarily lighten their wallets. Last Friday, however, it turned out this week's V.I.P. was none other than Dick Cheney, the current V.P., holding a $1,000 a plate fundraiser at the luxurious Pfister Hotel.
 Now if you've never attended such a gala fundraiser, neither have I, which is precisely why I grabbed my coat and announced I was heading over. Immediately, there was rampant speculation around the office regarding my fate. "Won't you get arrested again?" "Don't you need an invitation?" "Shouldn't you think this through?" And so on. Sometimes in life -- and always at IRREVERENT -- you need to just go for it, despite any fear or rationality. Things may not always work out the way you'd hoped, but you'll almost certainly get a column out of it.
Security at the Pfister turned out to be less of a challenge than I thought it was going to be. I can't go into the specifics here, but let me just apologize to Luis Vasquez and Dominick Herrara, formerly of the Pfister Hotel. I'm sorry guys. Email me and I'll send back the stuff.
Inside was a smelly mix of aging Republicans and not-so-secret servicemen. Imagine 200 applications of Old Spice and Old Man Smell mingling with gun oil and you'll loosely approximate my nausea. I don't know how the secret service does it.
 Figure 1a: Actual Pfister Plate being sold at the fundraiser. Before things got underway, I took a quick shot of the main event (Figure 1a, b). On the surface nothing very remarkable, except for the little "White House" at the center of the plate. In many respects, an altogether unimpressive plate for $1,000 U.S.
 Figure 1b: Close up view. To confirm my suspicions, I went to the local X-Mart and did a little shopping. Right there on the shelf was this little beauty (Figure 2), which I purchased and took home. Apart from the center design, these appear to be identical plates, and at $39.95 for 8 of them ($4.99 each), $995.01 less than Cheney was asking for his. I'm guessing you could do even better on eBay.
 Figure 2: Much cheaper plate that appears to be identical! Now I realize Cheney's selling more than plates at this fundraiser, so I took a sample of the food as well. Much to my surprise, chemical analysis revealed ingredients that are easily purchased off the shelf at any grocery store for less than $7!
 Figure 3: The food was off the shelf too! It was at this point that the secret service got wind of my investigation, and I was violently escorted from the premises. Nevertheless, I had already revealed much that The Administration TM would prefer to keep hidden.
One wonders how far "Plate-Gate" goes? How much do political candidates grossly overcharge for simple, off-the-shelf dishes and common food items? IRREVERENT readers can rest assured my investigation will continue.
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