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Democrats Unveil Therapy Plans Print E-mail
Written by IRNewz   
Thursday, 19 October 2006 (read 5543 times)
WASHINGTON -- Democrats all over the nation are bracing this week for more conspicuously suspicious election results on November 7th.

Chairman Dean announced the new therapy program to reporters.
Chairman Dean announced the new therapy program to reporters.
"We've learned a lot about coping with suspicious election results these last six years," said DNC Chairman Howard Dean.  "Capitalizing on what we've learned, we've developed a comprehensive therapy program to help Democrats deal with wildly improbable exit polling anomalies and the total media blackout about it.  Relying heavily on group therapy principles, the program will be administered by the DNC and free for any Democrat who wishes to participate."

Media reactions were mixed, with many characterizing the Democratic therapy program as "a step in the right direction," while others at Fox News suggested Chairman Dean "go fuck himself."  Still others have suggested that the program be abandoned in lieu of "actually doing something" to maintain the integrity of the election.  "This is a silly waste of resources," said Janet Milken, a spokesperson for the Vast Left-wing Conspiracy, LLC.  "We appreciate Dean is trying to help people, but this is extreme defeatism."

Wall Street worked out for a bit and then grabbed a double-shot latte before heading back to work on Dean's announcement.  Shares of APATHY (NYSE) rose dramatically, while DESPAIR (NYSE) killed HOPE (NYSE) on intense, hot, and sweaty midday trading.
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