IRREVERENT Newzwire
WASHINGTON - At a gathering of the Rational International Policy Delegation in Washington today, members articulated a measured, rational, anti-terrorism policy.
Read more...
Senator Exonerated Print E-mail
Written by IRNewz   
Sunday, 01 April 2007 (read 4800 times)
WASHINGTON - Senator Trent DeFrist (R) was exonerated on all charges today by the Senate Scandal Committee.

Bush and Sen. DeFrist
President Bush and Senator DeFrist confer over 'family values' at a conservative fundraiser.
Senator DeFrist's troubles began almost a year ago this week with allegations of "gang bestiality," "fellating multiple choir boys" from his home state, "beating small mammals to death" with a tire iron, "drinking the blood of known virgins," and "actively participating... in Satanic rituals" with long time friend and campaign donor Reverend Brian Moore of the Church of Satan.

Throughout the media circus, support for the often publicly drunken Senator was unwavering among Republican leadership, who continued to call the founding member of the Coalition for Wholesome Family Values a "valued friend" to "conservatives and church-going folks alike."  Long time spiritual advisor Pat Robertson likewise remained steadfast in support of Senator DeFrist, often urging viewers of the televangelist's show to "send direct financial contributions" to each of the Senator's 19 legal defense funds with post-office boxes in all fifty states.

At one of the Senator's bookings, seventh ex-wife Brigid DeFrist stood by her ex-husband and supported him, often physically, along with their three children.  "My husband may not be perfect," she told reporters, "but who can cast the first stone, huh?"  Speaking again to reporters after a lengthy stay at the Betty Ford Clinic, Brigid reiterated her earlier support.  "As long as the checks keep coming, I'll support that son-of-a-bitch no matter how many goats he blows."

The stock market soared overseas on news of the Senator's complete vindication, with all shares gaining in an unprecedented display of capitalist unification.  Awakened from his afternoon pre-nap, President Bush echoed the markets, calling DeFrist "a nice guy" before asking advisor Karl Rove for "just five more minutes."
< Previous   Next >
©1993-2008 IRREVERENT Publishing, LLC unless otherwise noted. ISSN 1932-4952. Use of other parties' copyrighted works is included either with permission or under the terms of Fair Use. Works owned by other parties will be removed at the request of the copyright holder. Opinions expressed by writers are entirely their own, and do not necessarily represent the opinion of IRREVERENT Publishing, LLC.

IRREVERENT Magazine (irrmag.com)