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Written by Scott Meadow
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Tuesday, 16 August 2005 (read 2278 times) |
Comedy type humor guys do things to get into the proper brainspace to
heckle the ever loving hell out of the things you cherish and hold
dearly. Personally I like to write them down and occassionally
publish some that others may use to expand their perspective or
evacuate their cranium of a few billion worth of direct media advertising.
Also I figure if Carlin can do it, I can. My hair is shorter.
My toes are exploding with cool, syrupy goodness! Yowsa, I'm having an emotional experience!
Have you ever attempted to put your sleeve into frozen jello?
I
personally feel that there is too much dirt on the planet.
Several megatons of nuclear explosives would definately cut a vaction
short.
Somewhere, right now, there is a Republican senator scratching himself and listening to music.
If I went somewhere, I would't be here writing this.
Of the many
paragons of truth and justice, at least one of the them suffers from
dyslexia.
If Cher were standing here, I bet she'd look
pretty.
If something isn't irrelevant, does that automatically
make it relevant?
How many angels can sit on the head of a pin? Is is the same amount of monkeys that you'd need to write Hamlet?
Everyone can come home, but nobody comely can be homely.
If you clean up your act, is that the same as cutting your crass?
I really think we need to do something about the oxygen abundance.
If you plant a tree in the middle of a forest, chances are that will be the one that falls and nobody hears.
I'm willing to bet that at least one woman named Ann celebrates Arbor Day in Ann Arbor.
If I slap and you tickle, that that still count?
Never wear a gorilla suit to a costume party and bring your girlfriend or wife. You might end up like the guy in the joke.
If the alien beings inside UFOs are so smart, how come they're still unidentified?
I'll bet that you won't find any members of any Michigan militia group who have read Proust's entire work.
If it takes a village to raise a child, how many people does it take to keep a cat?
I'll bet that Sonny Bono was killed in a conspiracy involving Cher and the ski patrol.
If a million monkeys can write literature, could a million mechanics beat them senseless with tire irons?
Somewhere in the world right now, someone is choking on a seed from a
seedless grape. And somebody is watching him or her, laughing at
the irony.
Some people are ironic, some eyes are steely, but nobody's hair is like radon.
If Tony The Tiger attacked Count Chocula, who would taste better afterward?
If you drank "love potion number 9" and it was great, you'd still kick yourself when "love potion #10" came out.
You can walk down any aisle at the grocery store and not once see a midget fucking a toliet plunger.
If God loves everyone, what was Soddom and Gomorrah all about?
Can you ever have two floods at one time?
Why exactly do they call Donovan "Mellow Yellow" in the song?
Would a "Magic Carpet Ride" be faster than taking Jefferson's Starship?
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Monkey Pile 
