Slow Humor Days

Written by Administrator Wednesday, 10 December 2003 14:06

I was sitting around the empty IRREVERENT offices the other day watching my new porn DVD when it occurred to me that there really wasn't anything funny to write about this month, especially in the shadow of the Columbia tragedy.  There is obviously nothing funny about what happened there.  Something that depressing kills the whole funny vibe.  So I cranked up the porn, poured myself a scotch and before I knew it, I was wondering what's with all the porno chicks getting tattoos lately?  This is apparently a big trend in the industry.  If you're a hot porno chick, it's virtually mandatory that you have lots of tattoos, on your ass or hip preferably.  Is this some sort of "rebellion" thing?  Can sex workers rebel?

I don't get it.  Except that both tattoos/body piercing and porn were once "fringe" and are now totally mainstream.  I mean, my grandma's got a tattoo and she may have even been in porn, it's no big deal anymore.  There are NO taboos like that left really.  People look at you funny now if you DON'T have a gold nipple ring and pierced scrotum.  I don't care if you're a corporate lawyer or that Joe Millionaire guy, if you don't have a hole punched in your privates you're hardly even a man anymore.

Maybe the thing is that they're trying to "shock" us, these porno chicks.  Like what they do to those 7 guys in the steamy locker room scene isn't shocking enough anymore, they need a tulip on their butt to go over the top.  Is that it?

Or is it that they're just trying to assert their individuality: they're trying to distinguish their private parts from all the other private parts on the screen, is that it, like a "porn marketing gimmick"?  If THIS is a sign of things to come, man (no pun intended) I am really depressed.  When the girls of porn start etching banner ads for condom makers into their breasts, like some racecar advertising Penzoil, I'm moving to Canada and stockpiling Campbells.  Who's with me?

As I sat there, finishing my third or ninth scotch, I realized that the hot porno chicks were probably just following what all the other sex workers were doing: a porno "follow the leader," if you will.  Well, to whoever the very first porno chick was to get a nipple ring or butt tattoo, I salute you!