By far, the most interesting part of the 3 1/2 hour long Academy Awards show last night was Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin's short spoof of Paranormal Activity.

One may argue just as pointless as the actual film, sure, but much funnier.

WASHINGTON - Early this morning, President Obama announced his new "undead" stimulus package.

At a hastily called press conference conducted at midnight at the White House today, President Barak Obama announced another new trillion dollar stimulus package targeted, he said, “at a segment of the population grossly under served by government.” Flanked by Chief of Staff Rahm Emmanuel, Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner, and a surprisingly robust, if pallid, Strom Thurmond, Mr. Obama laid out the details of the latest stimulus package.

In addition to the required multi-billion dollar payouts to large Wall Street interests such as Goldman Sachs and Merrill Lynch the latest round of stimulus spending carries generous allotments for traditional, blood-drinking, vampires. “This society can no longer turn a blind eye toward the poor, the downtrodden and the deceased,” Mr. Obama announced. “For too long this great nation has left vampires to fend for themselves. Well no longer.” Mr. Obama then laid out an Undead Recovery Stimulus Plan which includes increased funding for blood banks, an expansion of retirement benefits for undead senators and other federal officials, a permanent waiver on taxes for those over 130 years old, and a tax credit for new window shades and sunblock for the recently deceased.

Read more: President Announces New Undead Stimulus Package

WASHINGTON - At a press conference today, Sarah Palin threatened to support "any Republican that gets in my way."

Read more: Palin Threatens More Republican Support