IRREVERENT News

SEATTLE - Fast food taco vendors are rejoicing this morning as the nation's first law legalizing the non-medical use of marijuana went into effect.

"We've seen an 800% increase in sales just this morning," said Jack Baum, owner of "Uncle Jack's Tacos," a popular food truck.  "You can smell money in the air and get a substantial contact buzz."

"I haven't seen money like this since the Tom Petty concert," said Juan Mendez, owner of "Uncle Juan's Tacos and Burritos," a popular local food truck vendor. "People are literally throwing money into the van to get a chicken burrito.  I've had to raise prices so I don't run out of ingredients before noon, and nobody even noticed!"

Uncle Juan told IRREVERENT that most of the profits will be used to purchase a new food truck, and employ an additional four workers, doubling his existing staff.

[inset side="right" title="Something's in the air tonight..."]"You can smell money in the air and get a substantial contact buzz."[/inset]"We'd be incredible hypocrites if we didn't fully support any initiative that increases profits for local businesses and decreases unemployment," said Margaret Cheney, President of the Seattle Anti-Tax Alliance (SATA), whose members vociferously opposed passage of the new law.  "However, despite the fact that taxing marijuana could raise up to $500 million annually, we are compelled to protest any tax increases.  Therefore, this morning we have," Cheney paused to compose herself.  "Today we began actively lobbying the state legislature to abolish taxation on marijuana sales, and it's absolutely killing us."

True to their word, SATA members grimly protested "pot taxes" at a late morning anti-tax rally outside Spokane, however several members held their signs upside down in symbolic protest of their own protest.

By coincidence, "High Times" Senior Editor "Sam Smith" had also scheduled a "pot tax" protest for the same day and venue, which led to countless awkward situations at shared restrooms.

Wall Street noted legalized weed in Washington state as a potential creative boon for Microsoft, rewarding shares on brisk trading.  Later it realized that Big Pharma was in the best position to make a killing on the manufacture and distribution of this new legal commodity, and sent drug makers' shares to the moon on massive buying.  In late morning, the Street grabbed a chicken taco from a local street vendor and took a brief call from Microsoft founder Bill Gates.  The two agreed to do lunch in Redmond tomorrow, and, while the Street was there, pick up some "after lunch mints" and blow off the rest of the day.

Seattle has great tacos.

Photo Credits: Flickr/kalleboo, VectorPortal, Bjørn Hansen