IRREVERENT News

Black Planet Denounced by Republicans, Demand Birth Certificate


IOWA-For some reason, Republican candidates today fiercely denounced newly discovered jet-black exoplanet "TrES-2b," some 750ly away.

Scientists discovered the dark planet some 750 light years from earth.Although the motivation was unclear, rhetoric from each Republican forerunner was quick and vitriolic. "Liberal scientists have claimed this planet [TrES-2b] is Jupiter-like and billions of years old," yelled Michele Bachmann to cheering supporters, "but how in the world can we be sure? Why can't we see that birth certificate? I mean that should be easy, am I right?"

"I say there should be a litmus test for any exoplanet, coal-black in color or not," yelled Tim Pawlenty to a crowd of supporters. "We must demand that proof is shown, so I say, yes, let's get the birth certificate and then we'll put this matter to rest once and for all!"

When asked for a reaction, astronomers at NASA were puzzled. "What?" they asked me repeatedly, before alerting security.

"This is certainly NOT the country that Thomas Washington dreamed of when he wrote the Constitution," said Sarah Palin, who happened to also be in Iowa on vacation. "I think all our forefathers would be ashamed of this... whatever this black thing is. Only the liberal media could ever make this happen!"

[For more on the story...]

Disclaimer

Opinions, random thoughts, gestures, gesticulations, comments, bizarre rantings or anything anyone on the planet (or elsewhere) may possibly find objectionable, actionable, stupid, pointless, and/or misleadingly silly may or may not be shared by the management of IRREVERENT Publishing, LLC. Celebrity voices in the IRREVERENT Podcast are impersonated. People, products or services mentioned or depicted in IRREVERENT Magazine are referenced only for humorous or satirical comment, and are not intended to imply an endorsement of IRREVERENT nor any other product or service unless explicitly stated otherwise.