OAK BROOK, Ill.—McDonald's Corporation disclosed in a regulatory filing Thursday that its board of directors has approved a $2 trillion performance-based stock award for CEO Chris Kempczinski, contingent upon the achievement of five operational milestones that the company acknowledged "read more like a fever dream than securities law."
The 5-tranche award, disclosed in a Form 8-K filed with the Securities and Exchange Commission, would vest in stages as Kempczinski meets conditions ranging from global consumer saturation to interplanetary real estate development. At full vesting, the package would represent approximately 2 percent of global GDP.
I Called It: Mungiu, the Palme, and Why Nobody Is Talking About the Right Award
Jackie Esiskel was there. Jackie Esiskel knew. Jackie Esiskel ate breakfast with the future.
CANNES, FRANCE — Vindication, when it arrives, arrives quietly. It does not trumpet. It does not press-release. It simply sidles up at a cramped press table in the Palais des Festivals, sips a lukewarm Perrier, and whispers: You were right, Jackie. You were always right.
I was right. I will say it again: I was right.
On May 20th, while every blogger with a
...A nation holds its breath. One correspondent holds his rocks glass.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Filed from the Presidential Suite, The Watergate Hotel, 3:14 a.m., May 23, 2026. Hour 72 of continuous monitoring.
I have been in this room for three days.
I have watched the Potomac from this window the way Murrow watched
...A Review of Mizu Omakase, Greenpoint, Brooklyn — Where the Fish Is Perfect and the Consequences Are Someone Else's Problem
GREENPOINT, BROOKLYN — The ophthalmologist said "degenerative." He had a pamphlet. Diagrams. I asked if I could finish my sixteen-course omakase first. He said that was not, medically speaking, the point.
...Silicon Valley Discovers the Midwest Has a Legislature and Is Very Upset About It
By Tuck Chimes, Business & Markets Correspondent, IRREVERENT Magazine
OMAHA, NEB. — What we are witnessing in the prairie heartland of this great republic is, quite simply, a Schumpeterian creative destruction event for the youth
...