Sessions' Wife Ain't Buying It

WASHINGTON - Attorney General Jeff Sessions testified yesterday before the House Judiciary Committee and his wife, Mary Sessions just ain't buying it.

"The Russian Ambassador?" Sessions said at one point.  "No, I... I thought he spoke kinda funny, you know.  I didn't wanna be rude, see.  No, but no, I didn't know he was Russian let alone the ambassador over there."  At this point, Mary Sessions clearly wasn't buying it.

"Her expression is a combination of disbelief and disappointment in her husband," said Melinda Merryfellows, noted psychiatrist and current president of the North American Psychiatric Association.  "It's not clear if she believes him to be lying exactly, but definitely saying or doing something she's not proud of.  Of course it could be that she believes he's just not selling it very well too."

"Husbands and wives, particularly when married to political or high-profile spouses, are often very invested in their spouse's career and public image," said Gerald McCann, a public image consultant and partner in Finklestein-Erinblighter-McCann.  "When they perceive the spouse of screwing up, lying or blowing some major thing, they're often much more disappointed than the spouse themselves."

"Just about 70% of all human communication is nonverbal," noted Merryfellows.  "It pays to keep that in mind."

 

Picture: Screen capture.

NASA Admits ‘The Math Was Very Hard’ Discussing Latest Satellite Explosion

HOUSTON – Today NASA spokesman Jim Jameson told reporters, during a hastily prepared press conference, that “the math…  was much, much harder than we theorized” as he discussed the latest of seven satellite explosions, costing nearly $3.1 billion.

“Over the past 18 months, we’ve completely reengineered our processes, including adding an entire service virtualization layer for systems testing,” Jameson continued.  “We’ve worked very hard on creating a cultural paradigm shift in the way that engineers interact with QA folks, management, and technicians of every level.  Our consultants have been working with award-winning, best of breed tools, and are top people in process engineering and change management.  As it turns out, perhaps, we weren’t as focused on the math as may have been warranted.”

“In retrospect,” added NASA PR flack Dale Dennis, “the agency’s [2016] PR campaign, ‘It’s Not Rocket Science!’ may have been ill advised.”  After a moment of contemplation, he added, “Although I thought it was a great idea.”

In retrospect the agency’s PR campaign, ‘It’s Not Rocket Science!’ may have been ill advised.

Some outside NASA agree.  “NASA’s been hobbled ever since the consultants starting ‘improving’ things over there,” noted Jill Gillington, senior researcher at Framus-Whickhouse-Bradbury, a think-tank specializing in technology policy.  “There’s a group of fast talking, highly articulate, Ivy-league bullshitters in leadership now.  They’ve got everyone so busy doing thought-experiments with the latest management theory, that nobody’s crunching the numbers.”

“You can’t make an omelet without blowing up a few eggs, hopefully over a sparsely populated area,” said Congressman Bill Williamson (R-Oklahoma), junior member of the House Appropriations Committee, and architect of HR-9712 the so-called “NASA Reinvention Act.”  “Look, the goal of [HR-9712] was to bring [NASA] into the 21st Century of management innovation, rather than some stuffy old sewer filled with eggheads, slide rulers, and pocket protectors.  How can you attract top talent with a horrible public image?  We changed that, and not a moment too soon.”

Photo: Flickr/Cydcor, Richard Foster