OAK BROOK, Ill.—McDonald's Corporation disclosed in a regulatory filing Thursday that its board of directors has approved a $2 trillion performance-based stock award for CEO Chris Kempczinski, contingent upon the achievement of five operational milestones that the company acknowledged "read more like a fever dream than securities law."
The 5-tranche award, disclosed in a Form 8-K filed with the Securities and Exchange Commission, would vest in stages as Kempczinski meets conditions ranging from global consumer saturation to interplanetary real estate development. At full vesting, the package would represent approximately 2 percent of global GDP.
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by Madison Garcia | Technology & Gaming Correspondent, IRREVERENT Magazine
HER APARTMENT — I have tested a lot of products that promised to improve my life. The Throne smart-toilet, which unboxed itself at CES 2026 and immediately began a podcast about my gastrointestinal habits. A meditation app that responded to my anxiety by sending me push notifications about my anxiety that made me anxious. A Bluetooth-enabled water bottle that judged my hydration in a voice I can
...by Sam Turge | Senior Political Correspondent, IRREVERENT Magazine
ROOM 614, MID-TIER MANHATTAN HOTEL — I have eaten apple pie in this room. I have eaten it from a paper plate procured from the lobby sundry shop, using a plastic fork that bent under the weight of the crust. The ice machine on the seventh floor is broken. The curtains
...by Scott Meadow | Editor & Publisher, IRREVERENT Magazine
THE EDITOR'S DESK — I don't know if Kharla is actually banned from Milan. I have read her piece from FAT Toronto — "I Am in Toronto Because I Cannot Legally Return to Milan Yet" — and I have stared at the phrase "legally return" for longer than I would care
...Fashion Art Toronto, S/S 2026: the coats know where they are, the photographers behave themselves, and the prosecco is — fine, the prosecco is fine.
TORONTO — My lawyer's name is Geoffrey. He wears fleece. Not ironic fleece, not heritage fleece, not the Loro Piana cashmere fleece the Milanese aperitivo crowd has recently and
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