Special Features

Donald Trump made America great, or Donald Trump is making America great.

When you hear someone who supports Trump say that, what do they mean by great?

Great in what way?

Let’s use logic.

Let’s assume Donald Trump made America great, or is making American great.

If he makes America great, then it couldn’t be great before he took office. To become great, you have to be not great before you became great. You can’t already be great and then make something great.

You have to go from being un-great, to great.

Great how?

What was different (not great) when Obama was in office that’s great now? If you say Obama was black and Trump white and that’s why we became great when Trump took office you’re a racist. But we know even if you feel that way you won’t admit it.

You don’t want to come off like a racist.

Back to great. What’s great?

The economy? There are people who associate greatness with the size of their wallet. I try not to be that way—to reduce down a quality of character simply to how much money you have or can borrow.

In the Bible Jesus overturned the tables of the money changers, so it’s pretty obvious Jesus did not appreciate a money-grubber.

Some people think the sole worth of a person is things, personal possessions; if he has an expensive car, a boat, a big house (all usually for many of us brought on credit), and sits on a golden toilet seat like Trump.

Maybe you tell yourself with Trump in office you too can have a golden toilet seat.

This perhaps is the sole reason for thinking Trump made America great.

Livin' large!Let’s assume there was no COVID-19 pandemic. You can’t claim you made things great with people getting sick all over the place. But let’s assume that never happened; let’s assume the economy was doing just okay as it was before the pandemic, not great, just okay.

Let’s assume you think Trump in his time in office had made the economy great, even though the economy was on the upswing during Obama after he inherited when Bush left office the worst recession since the Great Depression of 1932.

And even though the middle class has been scrimped down it takes two people in many cases working two jobs today to earn what one person did in 1958 to live well.

For one person to claim responsibility for an economy that has hundreds even thousands of determining factors, interest rates, the Fed, the behavior or misbehavior of banks, the Stock Market which is highly sensitive depending on world events and results in investor confidence or lack of it.

The economy goes in cycles. What the economy is today goes back farther than Trump’s taking office.

For Trump to claim credit for an economy in which more money than ever is in the hands of a few mega-wealthy and the country owes billions more (deficit) than ever in the red----to call it greatness---this is a kind of mass fallacy/lunacy.

Let’s be honest. Let’s assume all you care about is yourself. You don’t care about anyone or anything else other than yourself, not climate change, not the suffering of less fortunate people---nothing.

You’re going to try and tell me before Trump took office your sole focus on yourself was not great----but now it’s great?

I mean, just in your own case----because if this is the type of person you are, you are the only one you think about.

Did Trump make it great for you where it was lousy before? How did he do it? How are you radically different than three years ago?

You have to wear a mask.

Trump’s claim to greatness is as if I said I alone am responsible for the sun rising yesterday.

That would make me greater than Trump. I made the sun come up and he didn’t.

It makes as much sense.

What do you mean by great? Great how?

Militarily? I don’t equate greatness with merely having a big and powerful army and lots of weapons. Is naked military power greatness to you? We had the same doomsday weapons during Obama that we have under Trump, so Trump could not have made America great in that way.

Are we great because we have more freedom than other people in other countries? Certainly, we’re more free than people in North Korea, but no Canadian would tell you he thinks you’re more free than he is (even with socialized medical care).

Is it because as citizens we can have guns?

Again, during Obama you could have a gun just like now. I’m not against the Constitution guaranteeing the right to possess firearms, but is our dysfunctional obsession with guns in a manner that no other country exhibits anywhere except here-----is that greatness----or a national disgrace?

Hitler promised to make Germany great again.

One thing about promising to make a country great, you should spell out what it is you mean by great, but if you do spell it out, you run the risk people will disagree-------with your concept of greatness.

I could get a hat and print an idiotic slogan on it that doesn’t present any specifics about what I mean or any facts to back up the specifics.

How about these:

In addition to “Great.”

Make America:

Shallow

Selfish

Racist

Sadistic

Dishonest

Delusional

More like the Mafia

I think it’s great we’re great again, but I don’t know how we are. No one including Trump has ever said how we are.


 John Sammon is a freelance writer, whose upcoming CD of a capella Gregorian chants sung over a unique spin of EDM trap/hip-hop is currently for sale wherever such things are sold.

Photo credit: Spenser and Mick De Paola via Unsplash

John Sammon, longtime IRREVERENT pal, shares with us installments from his (as of yet) unproduced sitcom. Think "Fawlty Towers" meets "Caddyshack." -S.M.

So Says Sammon with John SammonLance is a golf pro who runs a golf course and has a short temper. Manelito is a Spaniard who works as a golf attendant
at minimum wage and knows more English than he lets on to keep Lance off balance and to fool him.

Today a group of visiting golfers from India are going to play. Golf carts are lined up.

FADE IN:

INT. ELITE MANOR ACRES GOLF COURSE PRO SHOP – DAY

LANCE
Where is Manelito?

STAFFER
I don’t know.

LANCE
Go find him.

Staffer hurries off.

LANCE
The lazy good for nothing bastard,
I’d fire him if I could. But no,
bags-under-the eyes Johnson the big
executive in the big office hired
him and likes the bastard for some
reason. The dunce doesn’t even speak
English. If I’m lucky maybe Manelito
will get deported.

Manelito appears.

LANCE
Did you park the golf carts outside
that way?

MANELITO
Si.

LANCE
I told you to park them from left to
right with the cart that starts on
hole one on the left.

MANELITO
Si.

LANCE
Why aren’t they parked that way?

 

MANELITO
(points to himself in
mock puzzlement)
No, right?

LANCE
Don’t act stupid with me. You parked
the carts in the wrong order. The
two golfers who start on hole one,
their cart should be over there. The
two golfers who start on hole two,
their cart should be parked next to
that one, and so on. You got it ass-
backwards. Don’t you know your left
from your right?

MANELITO
Si I know.

LANCE
(sneering)
You don’t know?

MANELITO
(English subtitles,
means yes blowhard)
Si duro.

LANCE
What? Speak English.

MANELITO
Senor?

LANCE
What are you going to do about it?

MANELITO
Me park da carts better.

LANCE
You bet you will or I’ll run your
ass right out of here understand?

MANELITO
(English subtitle,
means nitwit)
Simplon!

LANCE
What?

MANELITO
Pardon.

 

LANCE
Pardon what?

MANELITO
Pardon.

LANCE
(yelling)
Pardon I heard that do you have to
repeat it?

MANELITO
Si.

LANCE
I think you’re an idiot that’s what
I think.

MANELITO
(English subtitles
means, not me, you)
No yo, tu.

LANCE
What did you say?

MANELITO
What is?

LANCE
What?

MANELITO
(means, maybe)
Quizas!

LANCE
Are you calling me a kiss-ass?

MANELITO
No senor. Por favor!

LANCE
One word from me and you’re toast.
Get over there and check those carts.

MANELITO
(English subtitles,
means crap eater)
Comedor de basura!

LANCE
Do the job I told you to.

 

MANELITO
Si.

EXT. GOLF CART STAGING AREA – DAY

An Indian golfer notices his name is not on a small paper
placard on a cart, removes it, and with a pen crosses out
the name of a golfer who had to cancel and couldn’t attend
the tournament. With a pen he writes his own name on the
placard and leaves. Lance comes and notices the pen-written
name.

LANCE
(shouting)
Manelito!

Manelito comes running.

LANCE
What is this?

MANELITO
What?

LANCE
(shows him the paper)
That!

MANELITO
A piece of paper senior.

LANCE
(cruelly mimics)
A…piece…of….paper.

MANELITO
Si senor!

LANCE
Did you do this?

MANELITO
What senor?

LANCE
Write on the goddamn paper!

MANELITO
No senor.

LANCE
Then who did?

MANELITO
Me no know senor.

 

LANCE
You no know?

MANELITO
No senor.

LANCE
Why don’t you know?

MANELITO
Si no know.

LANCE
You mean you don’t know who wrote
this?

MANELITO
No senor.

LANCE
(holds up paper)
Does this look professional?

MANELITO
(puzzled)
Pro-fesh-ill?

LANCE
(yells)
Professional!

MANELITO
Oh boy!

Manelito shakes his head.

Lance angrily pulls the paper taught with his hands bringing
it right next to Manelito’s face.

LANCE
This writing says Achmed Muhhamed
Chubasi. Did you write this to play
a trick on me?

MANELITO
Who me senor?

LANCE
You’re Manelito.

MANELITO
Yes who me?

LANCE
Yes you!

 

MANELITO
No senor.

LANCE
Get out of here.

Manelito turns to leave. Lance grabs his arm.

LANCE
No get out of here. I meant you’re
lying.

INT. PRO SHOP – DAY

Mr. Goldbrick one of the members of the golf club equates
money with personal worth and if you don’t have a lot of
money you’re not worth anything, according to Goldbrick.

LANCE
(yelling)
Manelito get in here!

MANELITO
(smiling)
Senor?

LANCE
You know Goldbrick?

MANELITO
Si.

LANCE
I want you to take him some coffee.
Get coffee in a thermos and take it
to him. He’s on hole number three.

MANELITO
Café?

LANCE
Yes in the café, where they make the
coffee. Is this going to tax your
brain Manelito?

MANELITO
Senor?

LANCE
Manelito, you think if I gave you a
month you could find a way to carry
this out? Bring some coffee to a
member. You think you’re up to this?

 

MANELITO
Si.

LANCE
(as though to a child)
You go to the restaurant and ask for
some coffee. They give you the coffee
in a container. You then get in your
golf cart with the coffee in the
container and drive to hole number
three. You get out of your cart with
the coffee and give it to Goldbrick.
He thanks you. You thank him. Then
you get back in your cart and drive
away. Understand?

MANELITO
Si hole number tres.

LANCE
I’m trusting you to do this job. Of
course if you can’t, if you screw
this up, maybe we could assign you a
job that would better fit your
aptitude, like pushing a broom for
instance, or cleaning out toilets.

MANELITO
Si.

Manelito turns to go and Lance grumbles to himself at the
cash register.

LANCE
The old coot Goldbrick thinks he’s
better than everyone else because he
has a lot of money. The old bastard!
If there was a pile of rocks with a
hole in it, he would unzip his fly
and stick his thing inside it just
to tease the snake.

INT. RESTAURANT - DAY

Manelito goes into the club restaurant, gets the coffee.

EXT. GOLF COURSE FAIRWAY – DAY

Manelito gets in a golf cart and drives up to hole number
three. There he finds Goldbrick, an old, cranky-looking man.

GOLDBRICK
(to his golfing partner)
There he is finally. These Latins
move so slow.

 

Manelito holds the coffee.

MANELITO
Here is the café senor.

Manelito waits.

GOLDBRICK
(laughs)
Just put it over there. You haven’t
stolen my car yet have you Manelito?

Manelito waits.

GOLDBRICK
Okay you can go. Oh, I suppose you
want a tip. Here.

Goldbrick hands Manelito a quarter. Manelito turns to go and
pauses.

MANELITO
Senor?

GOLDBRICK
Yes?

MANELITO
Why you tease a snake?

GOLDBRICK
What?

MANELITO
With your penis?

GOLDBRICK
What are you talking about?

MANELITO
(points to his crotch)
Senor Lance he say you look for a
rock with a hole to stick your penis
inside.

GOLDBRICK
Oh he said that did he?

INT. PRO SHOP - DAY

Manelito walks by the pro shop open door. There Goldbrick is
chewing Lance’s ass up one side and down the other. Lance,
who offers not a word of resistance, is standing stiff,
trembling; white as a sheet. Manelito laughs to himself.

  • Strap In, Folks It's time to get NASTY!
  • Who... are... you? Here Bloomberg and Biden try desperately to figure out who they're speaking to, and why.
  • OOH OOH OOH!! MR. KOTTER! Here candidates for the most powerful political office on earth raise their hands to speak.
  • When You're Smiling Here Senator Klobuchar smiles and smiles leadership.
  • You S.O.B.! This jerk wants United States citizens to have a HIGH STANDARD OF LIVING ***AND*** HEALTHCARE!! You son-of-a-bitch!
  • Call Me Petey. Pete Buttigieg, the former mayor of South Bend, Indiana. We assume he thought this place sold farm implements.
  • Think, Amy, THINK! Here Senator Klobuchar tries to remember a nursery rhyme from childhood.
  • Billionaire-off "As your candidate, I will meet with Trump and out-billionaire the hell out of him."
  • Diversity Yup. That's diverse.
  • Can We At Least Have A Buzzer? "Senator Warren!" "What is looking like an idiot." "Correct!"
  • Not AGAIN! This jerk also wants to END HOMELESSNESS by saying a few thousand families owning 90% of America's wealth IS BAD and should STOP? You fucker.
  • Face-off Here Bernie and Bloomberg hold their own grumpiest old man competition.
  • Please, teach, pick me! Here Senator Elizabeth Warren of Massachusetts raises her hand because the others are saying nasty things about her policy.
  • O no you DIDN'T! Here Warren yells at Bloomberg for being a richer jerk than the rest of them, except for Pete, who's the poorest.
  • Strap In, Folks
  • Who... are... you?
  • OOH OOH OOH!! MR. KOTTER!
  • When You're Smiling
  • You S.O.B.!
  • Call Me Petey.
  • Think, Amy, THINK!
  • Billionaire-off
  • Diversity
  • Can We At Least Have A Buzzer?
  • Not AGAIN!
  • Face-off
  • Please, teach, pick me!
  • O no you DIDN'T!

  • Donald Trump Is The President Yup. Donald Trump is the president.
  • Take That Nance! Oh you just wait until the speech is over.
  • This Is An Emotional High Applause paid for by the Trump Foundation.
  • Awkward Waiting for a blind date that your friends described as an "asshole with a great heart."
  • We Were Ordered To Attend And we're fucking thrilled.
  • This Guy's Just Positive DAMN life's good!
  • I Am Clapping I am clapping. I am fun being.
  • Wake Me When It's Over
  • Who Farted?
  • You're Going to Acquit Me, Right? Always Be Closing.
  • Don't Kill The Messenger I'm just the screaming guy, you guys elected him.
  • Yes She Did She'd been waiting for 90 minutes to do this and damn it feels good to be gansta.
  • Mic Drop With the speech in tatters, she's outa there.
  • I Am Being Thrilled Yes, Donald. I am being much excited. Thank you for asking.
  • Donald Trump Is The President
  • Take That Nance!
  • This Is An Emotional High
  • Awkward
  • We Were Ordered To Attend
  • This Guy's Just Positive
  • I Am Clapping
  • Wake Me When It's Over
  • Who Farted?
  • You're Going to Acquit Me, Right?
  • Don't Kill The Messenger
  • Yes She Did
  • Mic Drop
  • I Am Being Thrilled

Bundy: Falling for a Killer

  • You're Gonna Make It After All!
    You're Gonna Make It After All! Here Bundy shows the world that there's a lighter side to barbaric psychopathic violence.
  • Bodies Roasting Over An Open Fire...
    Bodies Roasting Over An Open Fire...
  • Nobody Looks Good After Being Arrested
    Nobody Looks Good After Being Arrested
  • I May Be Just A Simple Psycho Lawyer...
    I May Be Just A Simple Psycho Lawyer...
  • The Girlfriend
    The Girlfriend She was Bundy's girlfriend for a while in the beginning, and now she's ready to cash in on the renewed interest. Honestly good for her.
  • Just An Ordinary Psychopath
    Just An Ordinary Psychopath
  • Killer Groupie Three
    Killer Groupie Three "I know he kills women exactly like me but he's just so cute! Nobody's perfect!"
  • Killer Groupie Two
    Killer Groupie Two "He could diddle my grapefruits any time!"
  • Killer Groupie One
    Killer Groupie One "I'm not afraid. He just doesn't look like a killer. God he looks so dreamy!"
  • The Girlfriend's Daughter
    The Girlfriend's Daughter Here she describes living with the serial killer wasn't the go-lucky funness you'd expect.
  • Ted the Goofball
    Ted the Goofball He was a happy-go-lucky murderer, the Homer Simpson of serial-killing.
  • Ted Bundy or Julian Lennon
    Ted Bundy or Julian Lennon Back before fax machines or the internet, cops only had crap like this to work with so don't be too judgy.
  • Smile You Sucker
    Smile You Sucker Ted Bundy, mild-mannered Republican campaign worker with a personal sense of justice.
  • You're Gonna Make It After All!
  • Bodies Roasting Over An Open Fire...
  • Nobody Looks Good After Being Arrested
  • I May Be Just A Simple Psycho Lawyer...
  • The Girlfriend
  • Just An Ordinary Psychopath
  • Killer Groupie Three
  • Killer Groupie Two
  • Killer Groupie One
  • The Girlfriend's Daughter
  • Ted the Goofball
  • Ted Bundy or Julian Lennon
  • Smile You Sucker

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