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Trending Story for You

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Published: 31 July 2026

by Scott Meadow | Editor & Publisher, IRREVERENT Magazine

The headline arrived like a weather alert for a storm that never passes. Trending story for you: Trump offers word-salad gibberish to explain his position on Patriot missiles for Ukraine.  I'm not making this up.

trump word salad01

But you already knew that.

Let us pause over the corpse of this sentence, because it is doing more work than it knows. It is, in its clumsy algorithmic honesty, a document of surrender—not by the President, who surrendered nothing, but by the rest of us, who surrendered the expectation that presidential words should mean something, and then surrendered the memory that we ever had that expectation in the first place.  

"Trending story for you." There is a terrible intimacy here. The platform knows your preferences, your hours, your weaknesses. It has calculated that you, specifically, might enjoy this. Not that you need to know it. Not that it concerns you as a citizen. That it might engage you as a consumer. The same drowsy interface that suggests a recipe for slow-roasted salmon and a highlight of last night's triple-overtime game now nudges you toward the Commander-in-Chief speaking in tongues about weapons systems during an active war. The same gentle chime. The same blue hyperlink. The flattening is absolute. Everything is content. Nothing is urgent.

"Word-salad gibberish." This is the part that should freeze the blood. Not because the description is inaccurate—it is, by all accounts, devastatingly precise—but because it appears in the headline itself. The journalists have given up pretending. They are no longer translating, contextualizing, or even cleaning up. They are simply reporting, with exhausted candor, that the President's words did not cohere. There was a time when this would have been the buried lede. Now it is the lede, and no one is alarmed by it. We have reached the point where "the President babbled incomprehensibly" is not a scandal, not a medical concern, not a constitutional crisis—it is a genre. It is ambient. It is Friday.

"Patriot missiles for Ukraine." There it sits, at the end, an afterthought. The stakes—nuclear-adjacent weapons policy, European security, the lives of millions framed by a war now in its third year—buried beneath the real news, which is that the President was trending. The missiles are the least interesting thing about the headline. What matters is the algorithm's recommendation. What matters is your click.


There was a time, not so long ago that it belongs to another country, when we presumed coherence.

The presumption was not eloquence. God knows we have had Presidents who mangled syntax, who spoke in the blunt fragments of men who grew up without books, who treated the English language like a loaded wheelbarrow they were determined to dump somewhere near the point. But we presumed comprehensibility. We presumed that if the President addressed a major weapons system during a war, the resulting utterance would contain subjects and verbs in some recognizable alliance, that the sentences would march toward propositions, that the propositions could be extracted by a reasonably attentive citizen and held up to the light. Agree or disagree, one could at least agree or disagree with something.

That presumption died slowly, and we were its pallbearers.

First came the excuses. He is speaking to the base. He is trolling the media. This is strategic chaos, the doctrine of disorientation, a calculated fog meant to destabilize critics while energizing loyalists. The excuses were clever, and they had the additional virtue of flattering the excuser: to decode the chaos was to prove oneself smarter than the chaos. We were all in on it, or so we told ourselves.

Then came the translations. What he really meant was. His aides later clarified that. In context, the remark suggests. A small industry of interpreters arose—pundits, correspondents, anonymous officials—whose job was to reverse-engineer meaning from the wreckage. For a while, this felt like journalism. In retrospect, it was hospice care for a dying expectation. We were not reporting presidential speech. We were reconstructing it, sentence by sentence, into something we could pretend to understand, because the alternative—that the most powerful man on earth was simply not making sense—was too vertiginous to accept.

Then came the silence. We stopped translating because translation required pretending there was something to translate. The sentences did not parse. The propositions dissolved on contact. The interpreters grew tired, or the audience grew tired of them, or the feed grew too fast for the work of reconstruction to keep pace. The word-salad was left on the plate. We stopped noticing that we had stopped noticing.

And now we have this headline, which does not even pretend. Word-salad gibberish. The surrender is complete. The journalists have folded their hands. The readers have folded theirs. The President speaks, and the algorithm listens, and the algorithm reports, with the cheerful neutrality of a thermostat, that the temperature has changed. Not that the house is on fire. Just: trending. For you.

“

His lengthy response included explosion noises, an attack on former President Joe Biden’s mental acuity, an exploration of whether high-tech computer chips could be copied, and an acknowledgment that the U.S. copies technologies in the same way as China, among various other topics. In his answer, he twice mentioned Tomahawks, a completely different missile that was not asked about. At the end, even after an attempted follow-up ― the 283-word answer to which inexplicably detoured to India, Pakistan, Congo and Rwanda ― it was unclear what Trump meant. His White House officials did not respond to requests for clarification.

”
S.V. DateHuffPost
The horror is not the incoherence. The horror is the container.

I keep returning to that phrase because I cannot escape it. Trending story for you. The personalization is what haunts. This was not a banner across the front page of a newspaper, not a special report interrupting scheduled programming, not a push notification reserved for events that demand your attention as a member of a polity. It was a recommendation. A suggestion. A nudge from a system that has learned, correctly, that you will scroll past a recipe, linger on a sports highlight, and pause, perhaps, over the spectacle of power unraveling in real time.

The feed does not distinguish. This is its genius and its violence. A President speaking gibberish about missile defense occupies the same cognitive shelf as a cat falling off a couch. The same dopamine circuit. The same half-second of engagement. The same gentle letdown when you decide, no, not this one, and thumb your way toward the next distraction. The stakes are not lowered. They are simply rendered irrelevant by the architecture of attention.

And what follows from this? If we no longer expect coherence, we cannot hold power accountable for meaning. This is not a small thing. It is the whole thing. A lie requires a sentence that parses. The check is in the mail. I did not have sexual relations with that woman. Weapons of mass destruction. You can argue with these. You can fact-check them, litigate them, impeach them. But a sentence that does not cohere cannot be a lie. It cannot be anything. It is pre-semantic. It exists below the threshold of accountability, in a realm where language has been relieved of the burden of reference, and the speaker has been relieved of the burden of language.

If there is no standard of comprehensibility, there is no standard at all. The President can say anything, which means the President can say nothing, which means the President is no longer speaking to the public in any meaningful sense. He is producing noise, and we are producing engagement metrics, and the noise and the metrics circle each other in a closed loop that requires no human comprehension to function. This is not about one President, or one platform, or one headline. This is about a politics that has slipped the tether of language entirely, and a citizenry that has learned, with the grim adaptability of trauma, to stop expecting the tether to hold.


You saw the headline. I know you did. It was in your feed, sandwiched between something you half-remembered wanting to cook and something you did not care about but clicked anyway. You read word-salad gibberish and you did not gasp. You did not call your representative. You did not wonder, with any urgency, whether the President's cognitive decline or his contempt for language or his simple inability to care had finally crossed some line that demanded a response. You kept scrolling. The algorithm noted your indifference. The algorithm was not offended. The algorithm adjusted.

You did not click.

You are reading this instead. That is the final joke, and it is on both of us. You are here, in this column, in on the recognition, sharing the weary irony of a man who has also spent too much time in the feed and too little time in the world. You chose the meta-commentary over the headline. You chose the satirical diagnosis over the symptom. You chose to laugh, coldly, at the absurdity of it all, because the alternative—treating the headline as what it is, an emergency in the grammar of democracy—would require a kind of attention you no longer possess, and a kind of hope you no longer traffic in.

The algorithm was right. It was trending. For you.

And that, finally, is how you know the normalization is complete.

-S.M.

What Ever Happened to People Minding Their Own Business?

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Published: 09 June 2026

I was sitting at my desk this morning — third coffee, first cigarette, zero patience — when I watched a woman on the sidewalk outside spend eleven minutes filming herself walking into a CVS. Not walking out. Not finding a deal, not confronting a shoplifter, not discovering a new species of pharmacy beetle. Just walking in. The automatic doors opened. She walked in. The end. Eleven minutes of footage, three different angles, a voiceover about "embracing the journey of errand-running." She uploaded it before she bought her toothpaste. The toothpaste probably has a higher engagement rate.

meadow myob01I sat there wondering when, exactly, we decided that our own business wasn't interesting enough to mind anymore. Then I remembered: we didn't decide. We just stopped being told "no."

There used to be a phrase for this. "Mind your own beeswax." It was stupid. Nobody knew what beeswax had to do with boundaries, but everyone understood the assignment: stay in your lane, tend your garden, don't stick your nose where it isn't paying rent. It was a social contract written in crayon and it worked. Your neighbor didn't know what you had for lunch unless the smell drifted over the fence. Your aunt's political opinions remained safely trapped at Thanksgiving. The guy at the bus stop kept his mole-astrology theories to himself, because the social penalty for unsolicited monologuing was a well-deserved blank stare and, if necessary, a window seat elsewhere.

Now? Now we've got seven billion people running around like they're the protagonist of a Netflix limited series nobody greenlit. And here's the real joke: we're all the director and the unwilling audience. You can't log off because logging off is the only thing that would actually qualify as minding your own business, and we've collectively decided that's a form of emotional abandonment. The algorithm agrees. The algorithm is a snitch.

Take LinkedIn. LinkedIn used to be a place where you lied about your proficiency in Excel and occasionally accepted a connection request from a guy who definitely sells counterfeit sunglasses out of a storage unit. Now it's a 24-hour telethon of personal revelation. "Today I was fired. Here's what it taught me about resilience." Fifteen thousand likes. "I cried in a Target parking lot and it made me a better CEO." Forty thousand impressions. "My goldfish died and I'm channeling that grief into agile methodology." Someone in the comments is recommending a mindfulness app. The goldfish is still dead. No one is hiring anyone. It's just a support group for people who can't experience an emotion without turning it into a slide deck with animations.

“

I don't need a think piece about what your gym playlist says about late capitalism. I need you to mind your own business.

”
And it's not even the big emotions anymore. That's what kills me. We've industrialized the mundane. I saw a post last week — pinned, verified, trending — of a man documenting his entire process of choosing a new belt. Not a special belt. A belt. "6:47 AM: Initial audit of current waist situation." "7:15 AM: Arrived at Marshalls. The lighting here is honest. Brutally honest." "7:42 AM: Narrowed to two options. One speaks to my aspirational self. The other knows what I did in Tijuana." Seventy-two slides. Seventy-two. I counted. The man has the storytelling economy of a municipal zoning hearing and the audience of a Netflix special. This is what we've done to ourselves. We've turned the belt section of a discount clothing store into a three-act narrative arc with a redemption beat. I need a cigarette and I don't even smoke indoors. Much.

Don't even get me started on the gym. People used to go to the gym, sweat in shame, and leave. Now it's a content studio with squat racks. Every deadlift is a cinematic event scored to yacht rock. Every treadmill mile gets a motivational caption about "grinding while they sleep." Buddy, it's 2 PM on a Tuesday. Everyone's awake. The only person sleeping is you, spiritually. You're not outworking the haters; you're outworking the concept of dignity, and dignity is filing a formal complaint. I watched a guy film himself filling his water bottle last month. Four takes. He kept adjusting the angle so the gym logo was visible. The water bottle was empty the whole time. He wasn't hydrating. He was branding. He posted it with the caption "Stay thirsty." He wasn't thirsty. He was thirsty for content.

meadow myob02And here's the part that really takes the air out of my lungs: nobody cares. I mean that clinically. You can post your sourdough starter's daily emotional journey and get forty-seven heart reactions, but not one of those people is going to remember your bread's name in an hour. They're not reading your caption. They're waiting for you to finish so they can post their own sourdough starter, which is also having a rough week, which is also documented in a multi-part story series with licensed music and a tearful day-three recap. It's a vast, humming exchange of nobody caring about anybody, choreographed to look like community. We're not sharing. We're taking turns monologuing into the same void and calling it connection. The void is not impressed. The void has notifications silenced.

The worst part? I'm not immune. I just spent twenty minutes this morning reading an email from Gary. You know Gary. Cabo timeshare. "Two-bedroom ocean view, Scott, this is the week that changes everything." I've never responded. I've never been to Cabo. I don't know how Gary got my email. But I read it. Religiously. Because in a world where everyone is screaming their inner monologue into a megaphone, Gary's straightforward, shameless hustle feels like a lighthouse. Gary wants to sell me something. That's it. No metaphor. No journey. No "what this ocean view taught me about vulnerability." Just a guy with a timeshare and a dream. I respect the hell out of it. I might even go to Cabo just to see if he's real. He's probably posting about it.

I keep the laminated flag in my drawer for moments like this. "Insufficient distance from fact." I haven't thrown it at anyone in weeks because the problem isn't that our writers are too close to reality anymore. The problem is that reality has moved into our houses, set up a ring light, and started a podcast about its morning routine. We used to worry that satire couldn't keep up with the news cycle. Now I'm worried that the news cycle can't keep up with people's breakfast updates. I don't need to know that your avocado was "emotionally complex." I don't need a behind-the-scenes look at your trip to the dry cleaner. I don't need a think piece about what your gym playlist says about late capitalism. I need you — and I cannot stress this enough — to mind your own business.

Because if you did, maybe — just maybe — I'd have enough quiet to mind mine. And right now, mine involves figuring out why our CMS just auto-published a draft headline that reads "TESTING TESTING ¡1¡¡" across the entire front page, which means I have to call Jackie and explain, again, that the ¡ key is not a punctuation mark and we do not live in an upside-down world, even if it feels like it. Especially if it feels like it.

Gary's right. I do need a vacation.

—S.M.

  1. Editor's Mess: My Fashion Director Cannot Legally Return to Milan and I Approved Her Travel Anyway
  2. I Used to Make Up the News. Now I Just Transcribe It and Add Adjectives
  3. The Presidents I Forgot Existed

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More Mess

  • The Doctrine of Low-Keying It: A Sixteen-Hundred-Year Tradition of Failure

  • The Best and the Brightest

  • Trending Story for You

  • What Ever Happened to People Minding Their Own Business?

  • Editor's Mess: My Fashion Director Cannot Legally Return to Milan and I Approved Her Travel Anyway

  • I Used to Make Up the News. Now I Just Transcribe It and Add Adjectives

  • The Presidents I Forgot Existed

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IRREVERENT Magazine is a publication of IRREVERENT Publishing LLC and is a work of humor, parody, and satire. All articles, headlines, and characters are created for comedic, editorial, or entertainment purposes.  Celebrity voices appearing in the IRREVERENT Podcast are impersonations.  References to real people, products, or services are made solely for commentary or criticism and do not imply endorsement of IRREVERENT or any other entity unless explicitly stated.  This website uses generative A.I. directed and controlled by the creative vision of its humans, mainly Scott.
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