WASHINGTON — The House gaveled in on a sleepy Tuesday morning two months ago now, spent eleven minutes in session, and passed the Coordinated Hierarchical Agency for Oversight of Subtraction Act — the C.H.A.O.S. Act — by a vote of 312 to 116, with six Democrats voting present and one congressman from Ohio voting "shruggie emoji," which the clerk entered into the record as "present."
The bill created a new federal agency whose sole statutory purpose is to identify, coordinate, and eliminate still-functional government programs, departments, and the staff who run them. It passed without a single hearing, without a CBO score, and without any member of the majority having read past
...I Got My Passport Back, a Third Mezzanine Ticket, and a Hangover
by Bradley Snipes
Okay. So. Let me explain.
You know how sometimes you lose your passport in a foreign country and it becomes a situation with a laminated timeline? And then you come home and you think, great, I'm safe, I'm on American soil, nothing else can go wrong? And then you try to fly to New York and the TSA agent looks at you like you just tried to board with a Blockbuster membership card?
Yeah. That was my Thursday
...The hostess at Vessel wears all black and speaks in a register normally reserved for the reading of wills. She leads you through a corridor where the walls are raw concrete poured in deliberate, expensive imperfection, past a shelf holding a single ceramic vessel — the vessel, presumably, the restaurant's one honest gesture toward its own name
...BYLINE: Madison Garcia
i am literally screaming. not in a good way. not in a bad way. just in a i have consumed too much content and now my brain is buffering kind of way.
it is wednesday. summer game fest week is barely forty-eight hours old. i have already watched sony gaslight me for sixty
...I am writing this from Room 614 of a mid-tier Manhattan hotel, where the air conditioning unit outside my window emits a low, rhythmic hum that I have chosen to interpret as the death rattle of the American meritocracy. The ice machine down the hall has been broken since Tuesday. The mini-bar contains a single bottle of cranberry juice and a
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